As a little girl, I think Santa was so magical to me. In fact, I loved him so much, I asked him for his Autograph one Christmas and he actually brought it. Last Christmas I spent my Christmas Eve with family and Christmas Day with the Ex's family in a hotel room...and I was tied and bound to the chains of his addiction.
Its a horrible feeling to be tied to that disease.
The abuse I endured.
If I had known a month from then, he would hold me down on the bed, and put his feces in my mouth, I would have ran...FAST!
Christmas last year was sad. Even though he was going to rehab, he was still in recovery mode.That Christmas night, he went through my computer, what he was searching for was beyond me. Paranoid. I was home living life and he was trapped in a rehab facility. I was faithful, but because of what drugs were left, that didn't matter to him (I later found out even in rehab, he wasn't faithful...go figure. Self-projection)
A lot sure has changed over the course of a year.
A LOT....
Sometimes I wish I can be that little girl who believed in Santa. Where I made wish list and got everything my heart desired...As an adult, I think the only thing my heart desires is to meet Mr.Right, marry him and have kids. And in between, raise the hell out of them, go on family vacations and have TONS of laughs and drama. Whats family without drama?
I asked a guy out.
He said yes and replied with "Next week? Ill hit you up..."
He never hit me up and personally, I wasn't hurt. Maybe it was because I learned the key to NOT getting hurt....NO EXPECTATIONS. In all honesty, it is the Holidays. Even I am one busy little bee even though I am not working. So I am not really sweating it that much.
The past few weeks have been...well a roller coaster. That's life for you, a ride that you must buckle up and hold on for dear life and trust in God that the safety belt wont cut loose...
So what is this post about...
Its about me finally being in a spot where I am free....
Maybe that is "Santa's" gift to me...FREEDOM.
I haven't cried or felt as if I was gonna die....
Peace.
Maturity.
And Self-Love...
My gifts this year....
8 comments:
Enjoy your gifts!!!
To you and yours, I wanted to make sure that I wish you all a very Happy Holiday!
~Chanel
http://stylespotlighted.blogspot.com
Nice post!
xxx
Those are priceless gifts Stef. Many go through there life without ever finding them under their tree. You have really grown and I wish you nothing but the best in the coming year..!
you are so beautiful! it's amazing how you have learned and grown from your situation, where would just keep repeating the same cycle. you are amazing and God is awesome. happy holidays, sweetie!
Just beautiful to hear your story Stef and to see what a amazing women you are and the strength you have that in itself is a priceless gift =]
I'm so happy you have the freedom you need. I'm very proud of you that instead of settling for anyone you're spending your time working on yourself waiting for the right man. Any man you have to chase is not the right man. You deserve to be chased and treated like a lady.
You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I wish you the best of luck on finding Mr Right. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
Happy (belated) Christmas love.. this post really touched me.. Good for you! xoxox
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