SATURDAY'S WITH STEF: I don't want to be an option

 

Last time I laid my heart on the line, I took a train to San Diego and found out, Mr.-I'm-a-good-guy was dating Ms.-Psycho who he talked shit about (enter emoji straight face) and it totally crushed me and I vowed I would never let another man hurt me that way.

But I am falling for him. I think about him constantly. I get butterflies when he texts, calls and Facetime...and I have NO FREAKING CLUE to what I am doing.

He's coming to see and meet me. This is scary as hell!

What if we dont vibe?

What if we do and he goes back and finds someone else?

What if there's another woman closer to him and he chooses her?

Then I think...what if this works out and we get along amazingly because it seems like we do THUS far?

What if he goes back home and thinks about me more and vice-versa.

The thought of being an option again, is not a great feeling.

All I know is I cant picture my life without him and we haven't even met. I tear up thinking about how happy he's been making me from 3000 miles away and what if its taken from me?

I dont expect him to wanna marry me lol...but I want these feelings to be mutual. We talked about it and he says they are but there's the hurt Stef in the back of my head that thinks, "He's probably like the rest..."

He's not like the rest. He';s doing EVERYTHING they never done and we haven't even met...

I'm happy.

He makes me happy.

I'm just scared.

Terrified that this will lead to a broken heart yet excited that I can have a future with him. 

I dont want to be an option.