The other day I read a quote by Eartha Kitt, "A lot of men wanted to lay me down. But none of them wanted to pick me up." Or something of that sort. I have a lot of men in my life. Friends of course, but I was talking to one of the vendors about a particular guy and I he said, "He's up to no good" or something of that sort.
I went back later that night and got a few missed calls from a man in my past. Ignoring them, I wondered, "what does he want?" Thought about it for a few moments and it popped into my head, "Sex!" Later that night another guy I dated texted. We ended on good terms and so I texted back. As conversation started to play out so did the dirty comments.
Now I talk dirty when I am involved with someone, I can't lie. But to a man whom I am no longer involved with...no.
He wanted sex.
My friends constantly joke to me, "You exude sex Stef!" Hell, I think if I was a man I would want to keep tapping my ass all night and every day.
Anyways, back to what I am rambling about. I began to to cry. I can't even remember what it's like to be with someone who wants me clothed, laying next to him. A man who wants to keep me around.
Why do they always realize that I'm a good woman a day late and a dollar short? Or why do some of them feel the need to come back for sex when I have made it clear that chapter is closed?
I know I keep saying I am giving up looking for love, but the truth is, I have this hope that somewhere in the world theres a man waiting for me too. Waiting to shoot the shit with me, play xbox, laugh, lay and eat with me. Who will look at me and say ,"God I love her." Who will be proud as fuck to be with me.
Some day....
I hope.
1 comment:
First, let me say that in the six (!!!) years I have been following you, you have come a long way. You are mature, nuanced and have blossomed into a beautiful young woman. It has been a pleasure to have the honor of reading your journey.
Second, the pool of available men is a little on the wanting side of things, BUT the rule doesn't change... you will HAVE to change the level of man that you are attracted to... meaning that if he displays characteristics and traits of less desirable partners, then leave them by the curb...
See, I cannot believe that you would even have ANY association with the kind of cat who would make such crass, tacky insinuations like that...
You are a beautiful PERSON and deseserve to have a PERSON who fulfills you... body AND mind... and here is where subtraction becomes addition...
You can't let yourself allow these low-rated, "free agents" into your life, complicating things. I am sure that you will find someone ... that truly honors and cherish you... stay true to who you are and the Stef you want to be...
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